How great is God? His love and patience know no limits and are unconditional.

January 3rd, I sat in my vehicle at Jackson Lake and thought about how I wanted to kill myself. I didn’t do it because I didn’t have my gun. Two days later I was at an in-patient facility called Laurel Ridge in San Antonio, TX dedicated to helping Soldiers with PTSD. I was able to find myself there, but more importantly I was able to find God again and accepted him once again, so I thought. Only to realize that he never left me; even though I walked away from him he was always by my side and always guided my path like a lantern as David said in Psalms. Being out of Laurel ridge I can now clearly see that all my trials and tribulations have all brought me closer to God and his love. I have been out of Laurel Ridge for approximately one month. Here I am today in the company of great friends and great people. Nothing happens by chance or coincidence. What are the odds that I would have ended up in the S33 only to meet SSG Pickering and Mitch and have this awesome opportunity, a once in a lifetime opportunity. The opportunity I am referring to is not the ability to hunt one of the most coveted turkeys in America that some people wait a lifetime for. I am referring to the opportunity to meet great people and share their time, hear their opinions on life and just be present in the moment with them.

God wanted me to meet Ryan and share with him a whole afternoon of beautiful conversation and admire his calmness and kind nature. Ryan displayed his selflessness and desire to bring joy to another person who he barely met or knew. I had only known him for 30 minutes before we were sitting in his truck driving to the hunting blind where we would spend the rest of the day together. I remember before getting in the truck with Ryan I took one of my anxiety pills. I was considering if I needed to bring some with me to the hunting blind but I didn’t. Ryan displayed just pure kindness, what an awesome dude.

The other team got their turkey after being in the blind for a few hours. I could see Ryan wanted us to also get one. I was just happy to be out in the woods again. We were in a cow pasture. I have been around cows before but never observed them for several hours just doing what they did. I felt like I was back in a sniper hide. Any movement I was turned on telling Ryan “Hey I saw something over there” he would scan with his binoculars only to tell me it was a calf. I was fooled several times by the calf’s, but I eventually caught on. I was in no rush to get a bird because I honestly was just enjoying the experience. All of the sudden Ryan noticed a hen with three large toms in tow. I could see the excitement and joy in his face and hear it in his voice, it was contagious. The toms were smart. They saw the decoy and strutted and looked at the decoy as if they wanted to go investigate but they stayed outside of shotgun range. At one point it was comical as the cows chased the turkeys around the cow field. They never came within range and eventually moved towards an open field away from our hunting blind. Me and Ryan stayed there and observed we left the blind around 7:30pm. We headed to a gas station and linked up with the other team. Mitch and pick had the look of conquering heroes on their faces. I was proud of Pick, he did well. We said goodbye to Ryan and went our way with coordination to meet the next day. I was also tired, I was exhausted. I had been awake since 0230 am so I handed Pickering the keys to my truck and had him drive. I was told we were going to Jeff’s house for dinner. He was the one that sponsored the hunt. During the drive I noticed I had not taken as many anxiety pills as I normally do, I also had handed over control by letting Pickering drive. These were things I don’t normally do.

We arrived at Jeff’s house. We met his beautiful family and his friend Jon with no H. Jeff’s energy and joy for life, and happiness WOW!!! God meant for us to meet. I had left Laurel Ridge and I was filled with happiness and a new vigor for life. However, since returning I have encountered many people who do not have the same joy and vigor for life or the inner peace, calmness in the storm that wave of happiness that I am riding like a surfer on a wave that I don’t want to ever end. These naysayers want to suck away this joy I have found with their words that are spells infused with doubt and fear. They say things like “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side” in reference to leaving the military. They also say these ideas of: wanting to be happy all the time regardless of the situation in which I find myself, not taking things personal, and the ability to display unconditional love are all fantasies that only exist in books and they can’t comprehend how they can be realized and conceptualized everyday all the time in the world we live in. To them I say your wrong, I have met these people, they are people like Mitch who takes his time to run this non-profit only to bring joy to soldiers, they exist in people like Ryan who I shared time with in the hunting blind as he heard my combat trauma stories and empathized with them and shared some of his stories with me, they also exist in people like Jeff who opened his home to us complete strangers and welcomed us with love and joy. I thank these people for reaffirming the faith and love in humanity that I established in Laurel Ridge and out-patient. After a beautiful dinner and conversation at Jeff’s house we went to the gator farm. At the Gator farm I showered, journaled, took my sleep / nightmare meds and got about four hours of sleep then headed out to catch that elusive bird. My trusty guide Ryan brought us to a new location. I was tired, it was dark as we walked in and set up in our blind. We could hear turkeys gobbling all around us and saw a few hens. My sleep meds were still working on me so I told Ryan I was going to catch some shut eye. I could not have been a few minutes after Ryan had made a turkey call. I heard the loudest gobble ever in my right ear. It sounded as if the turkey was in the hunting blind with us. I looked over at Ryan and I saw the same excitement in his face and heard it in his voice. I grabbed my Shotgun and sure enough the turkey appeared from my right strutting to the left straight for the decoy. I readied my shotgun, raised it slowly and placed the red dot on his head. I knew it would hit a little low since I had zeroed for 45yards and this bird was right at 10-15 yards. I shot and the bird dropped. Ryan was super excited and so was I.

We took our pictures then went to Jeff’s house for pictures. Mitch was super awesome, he showed me how to clean the bird. We said our goodbyes and got on the road to return home. What a weekend, Wow, what an experience. I was able to get one of the most prized birds in America but that was only icing on the cake. The real treat was meeting great people and making new friends. I also think I have a newfound passion for turkey hunting. I would say the thing I got most out of this trip was the fact that I just got out of inpatient after 2 months and I was able to just get away from the hustle of everyday life, go into the woods and interact with kind loving people. I wasn’t worried about my hypervigilance, anger, depression, anxiety, or anything else I was just present in the moment. I only took one anxiety pill those two days (the one mentioned above) normally I take three. All in all it was an amazing experience. I have decided to attempt to get a Grand Slam. I am putting a limit on it, by next year I need to have it. I plan to at least get an Eastern here where I live. Hopefully next year I can get the other two. Thank you Mitch for everything.